


Let Me Not Go Under

by mildlySerendipitous (Irrisia)



Series: Lux Fragilis [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Humanstuck, Karkat rambles, Karkat's Language is Inappropriate, Pesterlog, Post-Game(s), Relationship only there if you squint, Self-Esteem Issues, Tagsplosion, The whole thing is a memo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-16
Updated: 2013-03-16
Packaged: 2017-12-05 11:00:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/722340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irrisia/pseuds/mildlySerendipitous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes you wish game powers were still a thing, that Aradia could whisk you back to before all the bad stuff happened, that you could talk to some people a little more like they probably deserved. Alas, your game powers are gone, it's 3am, and you're staring at your computer screen wide awake.</p><p>It's hard, leaving your friends behind, never being able to reach them again.</p><p>Luckily someone understands.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Me Not Go Under

CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG]  RIGHT NOW opened memo on board MY PAST SELF IS STILL A BULGESNIFFING IDIOT

CCG: SO.  
CCG: WE MADE IT.  
CCG: SOME OF US, ANYWAY.  
CCG: ADMITTEDLY, MOSTLY THE USEFUL, NOT COMPLETELY GENOCIDAL, NOT BRAIN-DEADENINGLY STUPID ONES.  
CCG: AND ME.  
CCG: I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHY I'M DOING THIS, NO-ONE EVEN KNOWS WHAT TROLLIAN IS IN THIS WORLD.  
CCG: AND SOMEHOW TROLL HAS BECOME AN INSULT, MOSTLY USED BY DICKWAVING JUVENILES WITH A BRAIN FULL OF CAFFEINE AND HORMONES AND DUST.  
CCG: UNLESS IT'S BEING USED AS A NAME OF PRIDE BY OTHER DICKWAVING JUVENILES.  
CCG: THAT'S ALL THAT'S LEFT OF THE PROUD TROLL RACE, GUYS.  
CCG: 5 FORMER TROLLS AND A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WHO THINK "TROLL" IS JUST SOME OTHER HUMAN BEING AN ASSWAFFLE ON THE INTERNET.  
CCG: PLEASE NOTE THE BIT WHERE IT SAYS "FORMER", IT'S IMPORTANT.  
CCG: WE'VE ALL GONE SOFT AND SQUISHY AND HORNLESS.  
CCG: IT WOULD BE TERRIBLE, IF IT WASN'T SUCH A WONDERFUL THING FOR ME.  
CCG: NOW SOLLUX CAN'T WAVE HIS EXTRA MUTANT HORNS AT ME IN MOCKERY BECAUSE NONE OF US HAVE THEM.  
CCG: HAHAHA.  
CCG: IT'S ALSO A FACT THAT THERE'S NO HEMOSPECTRUM IN HUMANS.  
CCG: NO SEA DWELLERS, NO CASTE-BASED LIFESPAN, NO RISK OF CULLING FOR BEING THE WRONG COLOR IN THE WRONG PLACE.  
CCG: SHIT STILL HAPPENS, BASED ON OTHER FACTORS, BUT THE LACK OF SUDDEN, PAINFUL, INEVITABLE DEATH IS DEFINITELY A POSITIVE AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.  
CCG: SUDDENLY I'M GLAD EQUIUS ISN'T READING THIS, IMAGINE THE SWEATING THAT WOULD OCCUR IF HE WAS.  
CCG: IT WOULD CAUSE TSUNAMIS.  
CCG: THE SEA LEVEL WOULD RISE.  
CCG: THE COASTLINES WOULD RECEDE.  
CCG: AND I'M GOING TO DROP THIS METAPHOR BEFORE I REALLY START TO FEEL SICK.  
CCG: I REFER YOU TO THE TITLE OF THIS MEMO.  
CCG: I SHOULD GET BACK TO THE POINT OF THIS MEMO.  
CCG: THE ONE THAT DOESN'T MATTER.  
CCG: THAT POINT.  
CCG: WE HAVE SEEN THE FUTURE AND IT IS SOFT AND FLESHY.  
CCG: AND STUPIDLY DEFENSELESS.  
CCG: I GAVE MYSELF A PAPER CUT YESTERDAY, THAT'S HOW DEFENSELESS.  
CCG: YOU ARE NOT MISREADING ANYTHING, I ACTUALLY CUT MY FINGER ON A SHEET OF PAPER.  
CCG: IT HURTS LIKE FUCK WHEN I'M TYPING, WHICH, BECAUSE I AM A COMPLETE ASSMUCH, I CONTINUE TO DO EVEN THOUGH IT IS PAINFUL.  
CCG: NO PSYCHICS, EITHER.  
CCG: NOT THAT EITHER OF OUR SURVIVING PSYCHICS ARE COMPLAINING.  
CCG: APPARENTLY NO LONGER HEARING THE VOICES OF THE IMMINENTLY DECEASED IS MORE OF A BENEFIT THAN A LOSS,  
CCG: TEREZI'S LOST HER ABILITY TO SEE THROUGH LICKING PEOPLE, THOUGH, WHICH SHE'S NOT HAPPY ABOUT.  
CCG: SHE STILL LICKS EVERYONE, JUST TO MAKE THEM SQUIRM, BECAUSE SHE IS A CONTRARY AND ANNOYING TWATHAT.  
CCG: I  
CCG: TEREZI  
CCG: I WISH I'D DONE MORE.  
CCG: MAYBE IF I'D TRIED HARDER, DONE BETTER, NOT SCREWED UP SO MUCH, IT WOULD HAVE WORKED OUT.  
CCG: BUT IT DIDN'T AND SOMETIMES I STILL MISS HAVING ANY KIND OF CHANCE WITH HER.  
CCG: MOVING ON SWIFTLY.  
CCG: TURNS OUT YOUNG HUMANS, WITH THE WHOLE LACK OF TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER, AT LEAST ON A PERSONAL AND DAILY BASIS, HAVE TO STUDY IN VAST INSTITUTIONS CALLED SCHOOLS.  
CCG: AN APT TITLE, THE WHOLE THING IS A LITTLE FISHY.  
CCG: SEE WHAT I DID THERE FEFERI?  
CCG: BASICALLY YOU TAKE A THOUSAND OR SO IMMATURE, HORMONE-DRIVEN IDIOTS  
CCG: STICK THEM IN A BIG BUILDING, 30-40 TO A ROOM  
CCG: AND LET AN INCREASINGLY FRUSTRATED AND BITTER PARADE OF ADULTS THROW INFORMATION AT THEM IN THE HOPES IT MIGHT STICK.  
CCG: IT'S INEFFICIENT AND RIDICULOUS.  
CCG: IT'S ALSO A MASSIVE POPULARITY CONTEST, SO AT LEAST SOME OF YOU WOULD HAVE MANAGED TO FIT RIGHT IN.  
CCG: SOLLUX IS STILL A MASSIVE FREAK, AND WINS NONE OF THE POPULARITY.  
CCG: NONE OF IT.  
CCG: BUT KANAYA SEEMS TO BE ENJOYING IT.  
CCG: IT'S NICE TO SEE HER HAPPY.  
CCG: HER HUMAN FRIENDS SEEM TO FIND HER MEDDLING AND FUSSING ENDEARING, FOR SOME REASON.  
CCG: THEY GO CLOTHES SHOPPING, WHICH IS ALSO A HUMAN THING.  
CCG: HUGE SHOPS, FULL OF NOTHING BUT OUTRAGEOUSLY UNUTILITARIAN CLOTHING.  
CCG: I SWEAR SHE HAS MORE CLOTHES THAN SHE COULD EVER WEAR IN A LIFETIME.  
CCG: ARADIA'S BASICALLY DISCOVERED THAT NOT ONLY IS ARCHAEOLOGY A GENUINE FIELD OF STUDY ON EARTH, IT'S A FAIRLY PRESTIGIOUS ONE.  
CCG: THEY STICK A LOT OF THE STUFF THEY'VE FOUND IN BIG BUILDINGS CALLED MUSEUMS SO PEOPLE CAN GO LOOK AT IT AND GO  
CCG: "WOW THE EARTH EXISTED BEFORE US, I NEVER KNEW!"  
CCG: ARADIA HAS MADE IT HER MISSION IN LIFE TO VISIT EVERY MUSEUM IN THE WORLD.  
CCG: THE RATE SHE'S GOING IT SHOULD ONLY TAKE ABOUT A YEAR BEFORE SHE HAS TO MOVE ON TO THINGS LIKE "THE MUSEUM OF STRING" AND "THE MUSEUM OF SKIMPY UNDERWEAR",  
CCG: I AM NOT MAKING EITHER OF THOSE UP, BY THE WAY.  
CCG: THE HUMANS ARE ALL BEING HUMANS.  
CCG: ALL EIGHT OF THEM.  
CCG: JOHN IS DELIBERATELY REFUSING TO MATURE IN ANY WAY, I SWEAR.  
CCG: NO-ONE CAN BE THAT IMMUNE TO THE EFFECTS OF LIFE TRYING TO KNOCK THE STUPIDITY OUT OF THEM.  
CCG: JADE'S DOING THE GROWING UP FOR BOTH OF THEM.  
CCG: THAT GIRL IS SCARILY SMART, AND GETTING SMARTER.  
CCG: DAVE IS SO FAR LOST IN THE RECESSES OF HIS OWN DIGESTIVE SYSTEM IT WOULD TAKE A WHOLE TEAM OF SPELUNKERS TO FIND HIM AND DRAG HIM BLINKING INTO THE DAYLIGHT.  
CCG: HE'S TOLERABLE, I GUESS.  
CCG: MOST OF THE TIME.  
CCG: SOMETIMES HE ACTUALLY MANAGES TO BE FUNNY.  
CCG: I KNOW, I ALMOST DIED OF SHOCK THE FIRST TIME I FOUND MYSELF LAUGHING AT SOMETHING HE SAID.  
CCG: ROSE IS ROSE.  
CCG: ENIGMAS HAVE NOTHING ON HER.  
CCG: CRYPTIC BULLSHIT SPOUTING ORACLES DIE OF ENVY AS SHE PASSES THEM BY IN THE STREET.  
CCG: PRIVATE DETECTIVES FOLLOW HER AROUND, MUTTERING ABOUT FALCONS AND GIN JOINTS, ON THE GROUNDS THAT SHE IS BOTH A MYSTERY AND A DAME.  
CCG: AND THEREFORE UTTERLY IRRESISTIBLE TO ANYONE WITH EVEN A FAINT TINGE OF NOIR TO THEM.  
CCG: DIRK IS DIRK, ALTHOUGH AT LEAST HE'S TRYING AT THE "BRO" THING.  
CCG: HE OCCASIONALLY MANAGES TO DREDGE UP SOME GOOD ADVICE FROM THE DEEPEST, DARKEST PORTIONS OF HIS BRAIN.  
CCG: DON'T TELL HIM I SAID THAT.  
CCG: ROXY IS A HOT MESS AND ALSO HILARIOUS TO SPEND TIME WITH AT PARTIES.  
CCG: ESPECIALLY SOBER.  
CCG: THAT GIRL CAN SNIPE WITH THE BEST OF THEM.  
CCG: JANE IS SO PERFECTLY NORMAL IT'S WEIRD.  
CCG: SHE'S JUST.  
CCG: NORMAL.  
CCG: I'M NOT USED TO SPENDING TIME WITH NORMAL PEOPLE.  
CCG: DIRK IS EXTREMELY ABNORMAL.  
CCG: THIS WORLD DOESN'T REALLY HAVE DASHING ADVENTURERS ANY MORE.  
CCG: SO HE JUST WRITES ALL ABOUT HIS FANTASY ADVENTURES INSTEAD.  
CCG: PEOPLE GO TO CONVENTIONS DRESSED AS HIS CHARACTERS.  
CCG: IT IS DISTURBING, ESPECIALLY WHEN ONE OF THEM IS BASED ON YOU.  
CCG: I'M  
CCG: I WISH YOU WERE HERE.  
CCG: MAYBE NOT GAMZEE OR ERIDAN.  
CCG: AND I'M UNCERTAIN ON VRISKA.  
CCG: BUT THE REST OF YOU, DEFINITELY.  
CCG: THERE'S THINGS HERE THAT REMIND ME SO MUCH OF HOME.  
CCG: AND THINGS THAT ARE TOTALLY DIFFERENT THAT YOU'D LOVE.  
CCG: I'M SORRY I LET YOU DOWN.  
CCG: IT'S MY FAULT YOU'RE NOT HERE TO SEE THEM.  
CCG: AND I GET REWARDED FOR BEING A MASSIVE SCREW-UP.  
CCG: NO HEMOCASTE.  
CCG: I DON'T HAVE TO BE PARANOID ANY MORE ABOUT MY BLOOD COLOR.  
CCG: I DON'T HAVE TO RUN AND HIDE FROM EVERYTHING ANY MORE.  
CCG: EVERYONE BLEEDS RED.  
CCG: JUST LIKE.  
CCG: I  
CCG: I  
CCG: I ALWAYS HAVE.  
CCG: EVEN AS A TROLL.  
CCG: HOW MUCH OF A BRAINMANGLED ASSLICKER AM I?  
CCG: TALKING TO A GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO CAN'T EVEN HEAR ME ANY MORE.  
CCG: THERE YOU GO.  
CCG: MY BIG SECRET.  
CCG: AND I CAN ONLY TELL YOU WHEN YOU'RE DEAD.  
CCG: BECAUSE I AM A COWARD AND A LIAR AND A USELESS PATHETIC WASTE OF SPACE, SAT HERE TALKING TO DEAD PEOPLE IN THE HOPES I CAN AMELIORATE SOME OF THE ENDLESS GUILT.  
CCG: YOU SHOULD BE HERE, NOT ME.

CURRENT tentacleTherapist [CTT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CTT: Karkat  
CTT: I believe it would be beneficial to your mental health if you were to cease this self-flagellation.  
CTT: Please.   
CCG: ROSE  
CCG: I  
CCG: WHY AM I HERE?   
CTT: Perhaps there is a purpose to your continued existence, perhaps not.  
CTT: I cannot answer the question for you.  
CTT: No-one can.  
CTT: To do so would remove the point of the question.  
CTT: However.  
CTT: I believe it is permissible to admit that I am not unhappy you are here.  
CTT: It may also be allowed for me to say that perhaps you are one of the reasons I am still here.  
CTT: As you should know perfectly well already.  
CTT: If you are unable to sleep, you are well aware that Roxy does not mind if you wish to visit.  
CTT: You may bring one atrocious romantic "comedy".  
CTT: I will start a fresh pot of coffee.  
CTT: In return, you will have to watch one movie of my choosing.  
CTT: Is this acceptable?   
CCG: I   
CTT: Do not make me rephrase my request as a demand.  
CTT: For each excuse you make, additional conditions will be placed.  
CTT: These conditions will be harsh and unfair.   
CCG: OKAY!  
CCG: OKAY.  
CCG: I SURRENDER TO YOUR MERCILESS AND PITILESS DEMANDS.  
CCG: IF YOU'RE SURE YOU WANT MY COMPANY.  
CCG: THERE ARE PROBABLY ABOUT 6 BILLION PEOPLE IN THE WORLD WHO WOULD BE BETTER COMPANY THAN ME.   
CTT: For every self-deprecating statement, I add another of my movie choices to the list.   
CCG: NO, ANYTHING BUT THAT.  
CCG: THE LAST TIME I TRIED TO WATCH MORE THAN ONE OF YOUR MOVIES BACK TO BACK I COULDN'T SLEEP FOR A FORTNIGHT.  
CCG: GIVE ME 15 MINUTES.  
CCG: I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.   
CTT: I will be expecting you.  
CTT: Should you stand me up, retribution will be both swift and indeed terrible.  
CTT: See you shortly.  
CTT: When you arrive we may have a brief but enlightening discussion about the usage of "dame" as regards myself.

CURRENT tentacleTherapist [CTT] RIGHT NOW left memo.

CCG: FUCK  
CCG: I WAS HOPING YOU HADN'T BOTHERED TO READ THAT FAR UP.  
CCG: I SUPPOSE I'D BETTER GET READY AND GO.  
CCG: IF  
CCG: IF YOU DO READ THIS  
CCG: I HOPE YOU ALL ENDED UP SOMEWHERE DECENT.  
CCG: HEAVEN, OR PARADISE, OR WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT.  
CCG: SOMEWHERE WHERE YOU'RE HAPPY AND HAVE EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED AND A PLACE TO BELONG.  
CCG: I CAN'T LEAVE ROSE WAITING.  
CCG: SHE'S NOT JOKING ABOUT BEING HARSH AND UNFAIR.

CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG]  RIGHT NOW left memo.

PAST cuttlefishCuller [PCC] ?:??:?? HOURS AGO responded to memo

PCC: Carpkat?  
PCC: Stop being so s)(ell-y!  
PCC: -EV--ERYFIN WILL B-E FIN---E!!!  
PCC: 38D  
PCC: You forgot to close your memo t)(ough  
PCC: So I will do it instead! 38)

PCC closed memo. 

**Author's Note:**

> Later Rose has a word with Karkat about his language, and how analogous insults may refer to (probably) the same body parts but have a massively different connotation.
> 
> This was meant to be a one-shot universe why is it not going away?
> 
> énouement
> 
> n. the bittersweetness of having arrived here in the future, where you can finally get the answers to how things turn out in the real world—who your baby sister would become, what your friends would end up doing, where your choices would lead you, exactly when you’d lose the people you took for granted—which is priceless intel that you instinctively want to share with anybody who hadn’t already made the journey, as if there was some part of you who had volunteered to stay behind, who was still stationed at a forgotten outpost somewhere in the past, who was still eagerly awaiting news from the front.


End file.
